Thinking about love objectively

Whenever I think about love, I take the romantic aspect of it. I've always thought that in order to love someone it has to be genuine and therefore I put all my time, energy and emotions into loving that person. My love for family comes naturally and I never expect anything in return for that love. On the other hand, I expect my love for a significant other to be mutual. I've never thought about love on an objective standpoint until I read Fromm's "The Art of Loving". After delving into further his idea of loving objectively, I began to re-evaluate what love meant to me. When I think about my past interactions with people I've come across, I acknowledged and understood that love can be more than just a feeling.

I used to work in a coffee shop a few years ago. The coffee shop was known for having a high volume of customers that come in and out the door. Despite the hectic atmosphere, I was determined to at least make some sort of small talk with each customer. I wanted them to feel welcomed and find that they can have a common interest on one thing or another. It didn't matter if we both thought it was a nice day, that we both enjoyed the same coffee. What mattered is that we would have something to talk about. I didn't want a customer to come in go through the routine of paying for a coffee, getting the coffee and leaving. I wanted them to know that someone was interested in how they were feeling or how their day was going. Personally I enjoy making small talk with strangers because it gives me a small window to look through and discover who they are. I never expected anything out of small talk, but what I was getting, I soon realized, was a chance to get to know that person. And I loved that.

We would have regulars that would come in and I found that I began to develop a relationship with them. The more these regulars came in, the more I found that they felt comfortable with telling me about their families, their jobs, and their vacation plans. In essence, I began to develop a love for getting to know these people. The same applies for those whom I worked with. We were all strangers to begin with but because we would have to see each other nearly every day and work together to make the business run smoothly, all of us began to form a close relationship. Some of us had common interests and shared the same viewpoints. Gradually, I began to see my co-workers more as loved family members. There were several times when most of us would get together outside of work to enjoy the others' company.

Unfortunately, one of our co-workers had unexpectedly passed away. Everyone was distraught over it and several of us showed up to attend his funeral. Even some regular customers, with whom that co-worker had developed a strong bond with had attended his funeral. In essence, we had all grown to love that person and when we had lost him it was like losing a family member. To support his family each of us pitched in money to cover funeral costs. To this day I still think about that co-worker and the impact he made on my live. I'm sure that he effected the lives of those who had the pleasure of meeting him as well.

I never thought to gain any love from the people who I had come across in the coffee shop. But I had developed a family like relationship with those I worked with and I'm sure that they loved me back. I feel that I had a genuine relationship with the customers who I served because we found a common interest with one another and were able to build an understanding with one another.

Now I file medical records in a hospital by myself and admittedly it gets lonely at times. I'm a very social person and if I don't have enough social interaction in a work place I get bored easily. I've come to appreciate the fact that my interactions with people developed me as the person I am today. I've come to value the love that I have developed for my co-workers and the customers that I've met. I use that love as a mode for living because it helped me appreciate interactions and thus I'm hungry for more.

The Song that Inspires Me

Truth be told, I found some difficulty writing this blog. I have so many songs that I've liked over the years that it was hard for me to narrow my choices down to one. When I say I like songs or have favorites, I mean that particular song has good lyrics and beats. I've heard songs that have evoked strong emotions from me. I enjoy songs that make me want to analyze the lyrics and try to find a deeper meaning to them. I haven't come across a song that related so closely to my life until recently. "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" by Oasis is that particular song that I will always listen to whenever I need a reminder of where I've come from and where I am now. Though it isn't as lyrical as a lot of their other songs, in my opinion "Stop Crying Your Heart Out" is their most beautiful song.

There may be several ways to interpret this song but from a personal standpoint I interpreted what this song may mean by relating it to my experiences. I find that this song conveys the message of after having faced a dark point in life, the best thing to do next is to try and overcome it. I've managed to break free from a rocky relationship that I knew would not be able to last as I hoped it would. I found the only reason I held onto that relationship was because I was scared of being alone and I feared that I wouldn't have the strength to move on if I did leave the relationship. No matter how many times I was emotionally hurt by my ex, I took that abuse and kept it within not knowing that I was allowing my self-esteem to slowly rot. For a year I played with and fought against the idea of leaving but in the end I had to do what was best for myself. I remember when I had first heard Oasis' song on the radio as if it was yesterday. I had just packed all my stuff into my car (after having made the painful decision of leaving the relationship) and turned on my radio to ease my anxiety. I was obviously distraught but after this song had played and I had listened to it carefully, it raised my hopes. Never before had song created so much inspiration and hope within me that encouraged me to be someone I thought I never could be.

I interpret the opening lyrics as a source of reassurance. Whatever has happened, whether it be good or bad, the situation had passed and nothing can be done about it. I live by that rule now, I have to accept whatever has come to pass and try to move on from it without letting it effect me. What more can I do if I come across a situation that I can't help? It doesn't fix the matter if I dwell on the past so the next best thing is for me to try and continue on with my routine and ultimately my life. I find the chorus of the song very powerful. It has such a deep meaning for me that I usually think of this particular chorus whenever I find myself in a rut. I interpret the chorus has having been given a second chance and running with it. I think the stars are used as a metaphor because the only time stars fade are when dawn breaks. I find that the chorus is trying to convey the message that each day is a new one and thus the past must be forgotten each time each day fades into a new one. I find that the chorus is trying to be encouraging  by promoting inner strength and being selfish for your own needs. I personally found that I have a hard time being selfish but as a consequence, I get taken advantage of. Thanks to this song, I've allowed myself to be a stronger person and think of myself more than what I have to do into order to please others. This song alone has changed my life in many ways that I never thought needed changing.

(The links don't seem to be working for me so I can only provide a link to the video, sorry!)

 I like Leona Lewis' cover because she has incredible strength behind her vocals and she sings with such passion that it makes the song more emotional for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_V1rzqdYCWw

Hold up, hold on, don’t be scared
You’ll never change what’s been and gone
May your smile, shine on'

Don’t be scared, your destiny may keep you warm

Chorus
Cause all of the stars are fadin away
Just try not to worry, you’ll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop cryin your heart out

Get up (get up) come on (come on)
why you scared (i'm not scared)
You’ll never change what been and gone

Chorus
Cause all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you’ll see them someday
Take what you need, and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

  Chorus Choir
Well all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you’ll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop, stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out