My Subconcious Act

Everyone has an outlet to release their stress or anxiety. I discovered that my outlet always relates to a serene and calming location. Most would assume that I retreat to my bedroom in order release my stress. In fact, it may seem like the most logical place to go to. It's a confined space, and it's my own space. But whenever I get anxious, the last place I want to be is in a confined space. I feel claustrophobic and jittery. So I always leave my house to find a quiet spot to just be alone. In doing so, I've come across several "hidden treasures" where I could just breathe in the fresh air and let my thoughts take over. These spots are usually isolated state parks or trails far off the beaten path. I've come to find that being on the move all the time, driving around just to discover these parks or trails calms me. When I get to the destination, I forget all my troubles and just marvel in all the beauty around me. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than sitting alone on top of a hill and staring into the vast greatness of an undisturbed valley. There is nothing more soothing than to just sit on the shore of a lake and listen to nature as it goes about its business around me. Even if I have nothing to be stressed about (and I have nothing better to do) I always have the urge to just drive and find an location isolated from the hustle and bustle of the city. I never really understood why, and even if I have my theories I probably will never understand why it's so important for me to be alone in scenic areas.

One theory I have is because I've been exposed to moving constantly. My father used to be in the Navy and as a result my family never stayed in one location for too long. While my father was still active, the most we lived in one place would be four years. It was hectic, it was stressful and at times it was frustrating. We never knew where we would move next until a month or so before my father would get his orders. Because my mother wanted us to stay together as a family, my siblings and I didn't have a choice as to whether or not we wanted to move. So it was always hard to say good-bye to the friends we made. It was nerve-wracking to try and make new friends where ever we moved to. One day, when it was decided that we were to move again, I decided that I wanted to be alone and take a walk around the neighborhood and enjoy the area while I still could. I was anxious about the move because I had grown fond of the place where we had been living at and I didn't want to move anymore. I was tired of it.

So I took a walk to calm my nerves, and came across a path that was partially covered by the overgrown foliage surrounding it. Curious, I decided to walk along the path. I realized that I should have been afraid. I didn't know where this path would lead me nor did I know if it was safe. But I wasn't afraid and allowed the sounds of nature (the buzzing of the insects and the chirping of the birds) overtake me. I followed the path up to a clearing that was surrounded by the forest. It was beautiful and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness wash over me. It was probably the happiest I had ever felt. In that moment, I realized how much I appreciated the raw, natural beauty of mother nature. I didn't and could never think of anything more beautiful to rival that of nature.

Which leads me to my next theory on why I have to seek places closely tied to mother nature in order to find peace. The naturalness and calmness of nature stirs something within me. I think it's because it's so bare and undisturbed or undiscovered which appeals to me. Knowing that there is a small piece of nature left that hasn't been paved over by asphalt, weighed down upon by buildings or deafened by city noise sparks hope in me. Hope, that while physically I am exposed to the everyday bustle of city living, that within myself there is a serenity tied closely with raw nature. A sense if isolation that doesn't depict loneliness but beauty.

Even as I write this, it's hard to describe the feelings I get whenever I sit by myself in an isolated park or trail. It's definitely something I believe everyone should try at least once.